Mekaela ☮ ❤ ∞

I hate to post this but I can’t help myself not to share this with everyone but I’m really depressed this past few weeks. I miss my mama, miss my friends, miss beer pong, miss wild friends, miss my “party-everyday” life, miss my dog, miss my princess treatment, damn I miss everything back in Manila. Here, I need to wash the dishes, need to clean my own clothes, need to buy something for myself, need something like this like that without having anyone helping me. And what I am really sad about is my life right now. I’ve stopped going to school for one year. And now I’m torn with decision making. What sucks too is, that I’m expecting for someone to encourage me, to hopefully, somehow make things lighter and easy for me to make choices, but drastically makes me even feel pressured about school thing and work and the time I’ve wasted because he said I was being lazy and not thinking about my future. What’s worse is he thinks I’m a bum. :( he keeps on saying that I’ve wasted one year of my life just staying at home and going out with friends instead of going to school. Now I just came here in US, and as if he’s forcing me to enroll in college as soon as possible not thinking that I don’t wanna stay here any longer. And then he said I’m gonna waste 1 year of my life again being a bum!!! I’m just really hurt with all the things he say and he’s making me feel worthless and shit about myself. But I still wish it’s the other way around, that it’s not what I think it is. But you can’t blame me. God, I’m tired of people like that. I don’t wanna cry again every night thinking what to do with my life. And I think he’s ashamed of me—not going to school and it hurts thinking I’m still not gonna go to school this year again ;( somehow I feel alone and insecure coz I can’t be that girl that she wants me to be and I think it’s unfair for him not to be with a girl who has plans in life and ambitions instead of staying with me, no accurate plans, a total bum. I’m sorry for being so emotional and over reacting I just need to let this all out in my chest. Nahhh, drama. So now I just realized that I have to do anything I want, not for anybody but need to keep in mind that I’ll be doing this for myself. If ya’ll can just read my mind, you’d be in tears too!!!